Messy, messy.

there are knots in my hair that will probably never come out. Ive broken so many combs and pencils and hearts just trying to remove the things that I dont think belong.

I’ll soak my hair in conditioner for hours. I’ll soak in my thoughts for hours. I’ll sulk for hours.

I only believe in the things that don’t make me feel like they have to believe in me back in order to be appreciated.

Things that I feel like don’t need effort both ways to survive. Or to feel relevant.

I only trust the things my mom tells me not to. And I only drink poison when I’m told it’s the worst time to do so. My mind is like a dust storm.

I can’t run my fingers through my hair. You can’t run your fingers through my hair.

It’s all just

Really really

Messy.

I haven’t seen my bedroom floor in weeks. I haven’t seen my reflection in weeks. I haven’t seen you in weeks.

Advertisements

A cover

All through the night

I’ll be awake and I’ll be with you

All through the night

This precious time when time is new

Oh, all through the night today

Knowing that we feel the same without saying
We have no past we won’t reach back

Keep with me forward all through the night

And once we start the meter clicks

And it goes running all through the night

Until it ends there is no end
All through the night

stray cat is crying so stray cat sings back

All through the night

They have forgotten what by day they lack

Oh under those white street lamps

There is a little chance they may see
We have no past we won’t reach back

Keep with me forward all through the night

And once we start the meter clicks

And it goes running all through the night

Until it ends there is no end
Oh the sleep in your eyes is enough

Let me be there let me stay there awhile
We have no past we won’t reach back

Keep with me forward all through the night

And once we start the meter clicks

And it goes running all through the night

Until it ends there is no end

Keep with me forward all through the night

And once we start the meter clicks

And it goes running all through the night

Until it ends there is no end

Pheonix

And from the ashes, we rise. 

From the charred and the hopeless and the un-replenushable damage 

With the smoke in our lungs, blackening our hearts and clouding our minds with an icy haze. 

Ashes and burning embers piled up in the deepest pits of our stomachs, we become stone of igneous. 

So… tired. Fatigued. Burning red hot. 

We try to cure it. 

Desperately trying out new varieties of fire extinguishers. 

But none seem to get rid of the fullness of the feeling of the emptiness that lies deeper than any surface. 

Each breath, suffocating. Tears, like gasoline. 

I’ve never felt the tar of my flesh sticking to the hot pavement until now. 

Is this not the path I was put on? 

The sun, it’s so hot on this gloomy day. 

I’ve never felt like my fingertips are matches until now. 

I tried to write beautiful poetry. But my pencil kept tarnishing. 

I have never felt so unrepairable. 

I have never felt so decomposed. 

Rise. 

Singular 

& I sat in our spot on the couch for the first time in forever.

Without you. 

And I thought about being wrapped up with in you, like we were so many times. 

And when I realized I didn’t have a chest to lay my head on, 

A heartbeat to listen to. 

Or your sweet eyes to look into, 

I held the pillow

And I cried. 

It’s stormy, okay? 

And the wind blows against me 

And the rain is blinding 

The earth; 

It shakes beneath me. 

The trees are gasping for air 

And the oceans are dying of thirst. 

I tie a knot 

And I don’t let go. 

Wrapped up in my own ambition, 

I trudge on. 

And though the rain hits me like shards of glass do 

I trudge on. 

My fingernails bleed from clawing my way 

But I hold on. 

I hold on for all the colors ive felt. 

And loneliness that I’ve had. 

I hold on for the missed opportunities 

And the missing ones, that I took. 

I hold on for all of these things. 

Because love will tear you apart. 

It will push and pull. 

But I will not fall. 

I trudge on. 

Fallen meteors 

We used to love differently. 
You would look at me like you’ve just seen stars for the first time 

Like you’ve just seen flowers bloom right before you eyes 

And now, I struggle to meet your gaze

Now you just 

Look at me. 

Like a …

Person. 

Like just another person.

And for those of you that have loved before, and for only those…

Do you know what’s that’s like.

It’s like

Searching for a fallen meteor 

Just to find a pebble. 

Do you find me special anymore?

Or am I just a girl that stays around 

So you’ve decided to keep her 

For convenience 

For Comfort 

For attention and for love when you deem it necessary? 

Because when my lips find your neck I don’t find a wishing well anymore. 

big bad wolf 

I’m sorry for huffin and puffin. 

I shouldn’t have tore you down, I guess 

I have this feeling that 

The feelings I have 

Have made me a quite the mess. 

I’m sorry for huffin and puffin. 

For sucking the air out of my lungs 

And, for a while, taking away all the things that stung. 

I’m sorry, 

For damaging your home

You huff and you puff;

But you still feel alone. 

I’m so sorry 

That you feel so torn 

You wrap yourself in a thin blanket on cold winter nights 

But you keep telling me you’re warm. 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

That you’ve put yourself to whither away on a shelf 

But I know, and you know, 

What you’re doing to yourself. 

I am the big bad wolf, 

And you’ll huff and you’ll puff

Until the all the air has left your lungs. 

And you realize 

it’s still not enough.